You know I actually considered not accepting this '7 day challenge of love your spouse' from a precious friend since Larry has already gone home with the Lord; but after thinking about it for a bit, I realized that loving your spouse doesn't mean only if they're alive. Every widow/widower who has been left to pick up the pieces of a shattered heart with one half forever gone; finds that the love one toward that loved one continues forever and ever, even tho the vows we took said "til death we part".
I became one with Larry at 17 yrs of age, 9 days before my 18th birthday, so when he died at 48 yrs of age, I was left in total devastation with people meaning well and wanting me to get on with my life, but my question was "How do you take the oneness God joined together and break it back apart, and ever feel whole again"; and the other question so many addressed me on was "how do I get on with my life" when my life was spent with my childhood sweetheart building this life before me? How do you pick up shattered dreams of growing old together, and watching our children and grandchildren flourish and thrive; without wanting to share it with the one who helped create all those dreams?
Until this happens to you, you'll never know the relentless pain and grief that eventually becomes as natural a part of life as taking your next breath. The emptiness of your heart where the other half was filled can only be comforted through God's divine Love and Peace as only He can bring as the pain and grief is something you have to learn to bear and believe me, it is not easy. It took me 17 long desperate years of trying and continuously praying to get me to the point I am today and this past June 18 was his 18th home-going anniversary. Hard to believe he was gone that long with the pain and grief still so fresh, but God...
Yes God....In all His infinite wisdom, unending love, and longsuffering delivered me from the valley of death as He comforted and loved on me day after day, month after month, year after year; whispering sweet peace to me as He walked alongside me, picking me up in His comforting arms until I could bear to face life ahead with Him supporting and undergirding me as I attempted to exist and do what was expected of me on the job, in the community, and in my home.
Many masks were worn to avoid showing my true self(filled with such pain and sorrow) in attempts to appear 'normal', 'that I was coping' and "getting on with life". I don't know what people do without a loving devoted family to support and love you through it all, but when you've been the one that held everything together and by nature was just a caregiver to one and all, you learn to disguise your pain and go about your daily life pretending all is well.
So years of pretense and wearing masks with smiles that covered my ocean of tears and mountains of heartbreak, I survived day by day until finally in total desperation, the close of 2015 awakened the fact I needed a drastic change in my life; being exhausted from trying to be someone I was not. I wanted to feel true joy again, wanted to feel alive, and free from the past hurts and past sorrows; so I went to the Lord in prayer again but this time, I refused to leave my room without joy and peace from all my past hurts and sorrows. I had what you might call, " A go to Jesus meeting" and a "Heart to Heart talk" and that I wanted Him to do a complete makeover in the life I had been living. I was tired of trying to please everyone else and never able to Really Be Me!. And He heard my cry and He Healed Me! He delivered me and set me free from all my hurts, from all my sorrows, and from all my oppression. Deliverance was mine in Christ Jesus and I cannot Praise Him enough today.
As my true personal relationship with my Lord Jesus deepened,
Holy Spirit began the much needed work within my heart of hearts; reconstructing my heart, renewing my strength; recreating and healing my broken body; sharing hope for a brighter future that He had planned for me(Jer 29:11). So in constant communication and little by little, Holy Spirit led me into 2016 with a new-found pathway God created just for me, and now finally I have deliverance from the past and look forward to each new day He has created just for me!
I am forever grateful to have shared my earlier life with my spouse and the love of my life, my forever sweetheart, and I cherish all the precious memories we shared together; and yes indeed, I miss him so very much and would love to sit and talk with him today; but I have the hope of being reunited with him shortly as I know our Lord's return is closer now than ever before.
So I encourage every couple out there, whose loved one is still with you to never take for granted one moment of time you are allowed to share on earth with your spouse; hold their hand, lean against their shoulder, tell them how much you love them and how precious they are to you; because at any given moment, they could be called home, as well. So enjoy your loved ones today and show them how much you care! You will never regret it when they're gone.
Make today a wonderfully blessed day, dear friends. God loves you and so do I~~~
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